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I was at the gym running on the treadmill when all the sudden my calves started cramping up. Even when you massage the cramp out, there's still this lingering pain. How annoying. So as I was walking to catch the metro, I thought to myself, "What's the most annoying bodily pain?" I came up with a few things, so here's Inky's top 5 bodily pains...
5) Calf cramps
If you're outgoing and active and you get leg cramps, once these hit you they gotta be some of the most pain-in-the-ass things that can happen to you when you're exercising/playing sports. One time I was running on the treadmill at the gym, and then some severe leg cramps hit me. All the sudden, there's this loud thud and scream cause I couldn't move my leg and so the treadmill kept going on while I stopped. I slammed down onto the treadmill and everyone looked at me as if I was stupid enough not to be able to use a treadmill. Word to the wise....stretching is good.
4) Severe diarrhea
Say you just had an authentic burrito at this shady little cart near work and then you head back to the office only to feel some grumblings in your stomach. As the day goes on, your stomach isn't feeling to good anymore. You make a mad dash for the toilet and then you sit there for 30 minutes tearing up the toilet. 15 minutes later you run back to the toilet for part deux of dropping the kids off only to find out the kids must be 300 pound linebackers that want to tear you a new asshole. What's even worse is that if you eat some bad dinner and then hop onto an hour long metro ride only to find out that 20 minutes into the ride that you really need to take a shit. What's a guy to do for the rest of the 40 minutes...See #1.
3) Menstrual cramps
So I really don't know how bad these really can be but I knew one person that every month when this time would come around, they'd be bed ridden for a solid 3-4 days and would go through a box of tampons and a bottle of Midol each time. At least they've come up with a pill that stops the period. Something though about not having a period that is just unnatural. I wonder what weird side effects come out of this we don't know about yet. I can only though imagine that a bleeding vagina every month is about as fun as having to listen to George W. speak about foreign policy.
2) Blue balls
Let me tell you that blue balls does indeed exist. Now, I don't know about everyone else but it's really not as bad as some guys make it seem to be. There's this shooting pain that goes up around the scrotum for a few seconds and that's about it. I think most guys use the blue balls excuse just to get a happy ending some way or another. It really ain't that pleasant at all and it definitely feels like someone all the sudden just grabbed you by the balls and pounded it with a sledgehammer.
1) That shooting pain up your ass...
You all know this pain and not because someone decided to shove their whole hand up your ass to do a prostate exam and not because some 300 pound linebacker is trying to Brokeback Mountain your ass but it's that pain when you really got to take a shit from something you ate and then it really does feel like a 300 pound linebacker is trying to play cowboy with your anus. I think I've become somewhat lactose intolerant over the years as many Asians are so sometimes when I do eat dairy, I get these severe shooting pains in my ass. I don't know if any of you guys have felt this but let me tell you, if I was gay or a chick, this experience would definitely deter me from ever wanting any anal sex. Maybe it's some people's favorite sex thing but if that shooting pain is anything of what it feels like, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone even George W. Well, maybe George W so he can feel what it's like to be a pain in the ass to so many people.
Anyone else have any others to add?
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